Hey everyone! I had an interesting experience tonight I thought I would share.

It has been about a year since I began my 1,000 portraits project, and 6 months since I finished and last posted about it. Lately I have been wanting to share more, but I have put it off because I wanted to learn to be a better writer as well. So…. I have been sitting on a post for the last two weeks but just struggling with the writing process and, to be frank, with not blowing it off.

I sometimes work my way through the struggle by writing in stream-of-conscious style. Tonight’s turned out to be rather inspiring, and I thought I would share.

Photos at the end!

Why does writing have to be so freaking bleeping bloody difficult? Man…. Maybe I’m not so into this post I am considering. Maybe because I am realizing that what I wanted to write about isn’t as true as I was hoping it was. Maybe I haven’t quite totally followed my own advice. Maybe I feel guilty because I’m not doing more photo stuff. Maybe I feel confused and lost and deranged. Maybe I just want to find a way to use the word ubiquitous.

I would love the feeling of confidence to be a much more ubiquitous part of my life.

I would also like to learn more new words.

I would like to be out shooting more dagnabit.

That’s not a word.

I just need to write something, right?

Am I putting off what I should really be doing??

I’m feeling lost and confused.

Maybe it would help if I had more time.

But then I would have less money and I couldn’t buy a computer.

You need a new computer. And hard drives.

Ya….. that’s right….

You also do want to be better at writing so that you can share your ideas more.

True.

So it’s important, yes?

Yes….

It’s just not so obviously rewarding as photography!!

Well, that’s because it’s not your THING. Photography is your THING. But writing will be very helpful for you…

Really? In what ways?

What you say sometimes draws people to look at more.

Interesting…. Tell me more.

Well…. Just a photo can be beautiful, but if there is a caption or story that catches their eye, they are much more likely to look at that photo for longer.

Huh. Okay….

So….. ?

Well, so I guess that’s what I want when people look at my portraits. I don’t want them to just briefly glance at it for a second and move on to the next thought. I want them to gaze and stare and think and reflect about that person and the clues they see in the photo and just stare at their eyes and wonder about their life….

Why?

Why? …. Uhm…. Well, I mean that is how I respond to photos of people and I really find it fascinating and even fulfilling sometimes. Or… maybe not so much fulfilling as a desire to have more. It makes me more willing to accept more people and judge less quickly I think. Accept more people into the world of “who I would be okay associating with and considering them as human as I am.” And honestly I think we need more of that….

Right….

Ya, I mean…. People, especially people in my social universe (like, people that have similar backgrounds and lives) tend to stick to people like them. We are kind of shallow that way… I mean I think we have good intentions. Ya know, like I was taught to be safe. And how do you know who to be safe from? You judge them by their appearance and the context you see them in to know… And we have this culture of considering time really valuable, and so you have to make really quick judgements about whether someone is “worth” your time or not. Anyway, I think that plus probably some other stuff leads to us just not really seeing everyone as the beautiful and important souls they are…… and honestly I get that we don’t have time to sit down and talk to everyone, and especially as a woman I never judge another woman for not being friendly with all the random strangers she interacts with. Gotta be safe.

But?

But I think….. souls are beautiful! I mean…. I believe we are all really valuable and special. And even if we don’t take more of our time to get to know people, I think it’s important to SEE and THINK about people that way. I think it changes us. I think it makes us a little lighter and happier inside. Not to mention we will just treat people better in general I think! And….. honestly maybe see ourselves a little bit better too.

Wow.

Ya know… Honestly I’m starting to feel a little bit better right now, just kind of considering these delightful truths. Beautiful….

Ooh! Let’s find a better word.

Okay…. It’s emboldening! And something I find deep solace in.